


i'll hold you close

by troublemaker (shoseilovemail)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, HUGS FOR SHOSEI, M/M, Tenderness, no beta we die like real men, ruki appreciation, so much of it, they say ily a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28934931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseilovemail/pseuds/troublemaker
Summary: It's one of those many moments where Shosei realizes what it means for him to -haveRuki, to love Ruki and to be loved by him.
Relationships: Ohira Shosei/Shiroiwa Ruki, side junkeigo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	i'll hold you close

Shosei takes the last shot with a smile.

Chan relaxes as soon as he gets told that he can go; he bows and thanks everyone and off the model goes. Shosei looks after him, sees how Soonyoung smiles and wraps an arm around him. Shosei smiles, too, then he bows, thanks the production staff and goes to pack up his stuff as well.

He sighs as he zips up his camera, and he sees Ren and Takumi enter the room, setting down their tools. "Today was long, huh? ", Ren asks.

Shosei hums. "Can't wait to go home. "

"Me too, " Ren says, "although there will be more work waiting for me there... Editing is such a tiring job, I swear. "

"Well, at least you have your support system. ", Shosei says, glancing over to Takumi, then back at his bag of lenses. "I don't know if Ruki will be home. "

"I'm sure he will. ", Ren reassures him with a smile, and Shosei trusts him. Ren is this - kind of person that makes you just _believe_ them when they speak positive words. It's some kind of magic; Shosei's envious.

"Alright, see you next week. ", Shosei says with a wave of his hand, and exits the room. When he's out after a day in the studio, it always feels some kind of weird - he's been in there all day, directing his eyes only towards the model like there's nothing else in the world. It's like everything else - just slips away.

In a way, that's good, but once he steps out, everything comes back and sometimes, it feels like he's missed something the whole time. Shosei's phone vibrates, he reads the message and a smile spreads over his face.

He knows what he's missed, and he's excited to get it back.

*

Ruki's sitting on the couch when Shosei comes home, and the younger practically knocks him over with a hug. Ruki's perplexed at first but relaxes quickly, easing into Shosei's warmth. The younger burries his face in the crook of Ruki's neck. "I missed you, " he mumbles.

Ruki chuckles, patting his back, "I missed you, too. "

"How was London? ", Shosei asks, voice quiet but so close to Ruki's ear.

"Good, " the older simply replies, as he often does. Shosei knows this - Ruki might talk a lot, but when it comes to talking about how he feels or experiences things, he keeps it short. It's because he usually can't quite find the words - but Shosei understands it, knows ever layer and implication of 'good ' by just Ruki's tone.

"I met a high school friend, " Ruki goes on. "Keigo. He's a model as well, he works with Gucci, mainly. I haven't seen him in years, so I was surprised - " he chuckles - " but he was so nice, he's a really funny guy, and oh, have you heard of that singer that's been rising to the top of the charts? Junki, he's Keigo's boyfriend, and he performed there, his voice is really as good as they say - "

What usually shocks people about Ruki is this duality - how he appears quiet and thoughtful, but can talk about anything for any amount of time. But sometimes he also can't find the words, like just earlier - people try to figure it out and they ask Shosei, _what's he really like?_ , but Shosei always just laughs and replies _he's both._

He smiles against the older's neck, burying himself further in the fabric of his hoodie, and Ruki stops his ramble, suddenly worried, "Wait, am I talking too much? I'm sorry - "

Shosei lets out a laugh that's muffled, but he feels it vibrating through the fabric so it reaches Ruki, too. Shosei lifts his head up and back, so that he's faced with Ruki. "You know that I can listen to you forever, no matter what you're talking 'bout. "

He watches Ruki's lips curl up into a smile that spreads, showing his teeth, and Shosei thinks _this is why I love you -_ he leans in and kisses Ruki's smile, then pulls back and looks at him, uttering those words - "It's why I love you. "

Ruki pulls him into a hug, and whispers, "I love you, too, so much. "

*

Ruki's has a few days off and so does Shosei. They know how to use that time wisely - it's often like this, it comes with being a semi-famous model and a photographer in high demand.

They spend a major part of the day sitting on the couch, hands tight around their steering wheels as they race for 1st place in _Mario Cart_ on the Switch. Ruki jumps up in triumph when he wins, because it's usually Shosei - he likes to think that he's good at competitive games like this, especially because Ruki prefers non-competitive things like _Animal Crossing_ and _Pokémon_ \- but every once in a while he beats the younger, too.

"I just hate this course ", Shosei mutters. Ruki laughs at him for _antagonizing a Mario Cart course_ , and Shosei shakes his head, hiding his sheepish smile.

After that they order takeout from their favourite restaurant - another good friend of Ruki's the chef at _Muscle kitchen_ , and sometimes Ruki can persuade him into a discount (he puts on puppy eyes and his begging voice, and Shosei hears Sho laugh through the phone, saying _okay, okay, you can stop the act, I'll take 5 off the bill_. Ruki thanks him 10 times, and this happens every time, but Ruki says that you can never be thankful enough).

Ruki sets up candles and decorates the table for the two of them, which Shosei teases him about - "No need to be fancy, you didn’t even make the food. " "You have no right to insult me, you can't cook either, Shosei. "

In the end, playful bickering is forgotten as soon as the food arrives - Ruki makes big eyes at the pizza from the start, and it's like Shosei blinks and it's gone. He eats his pasta quickly, too, because it's _good_ and warms his stomach.

Another advantage of takeout is that it spares them from arguing about who'll do the dishes - _loving_ arguing is what Ruki calls it, while it's rather Ruki using words and charm to get his way, because he knows that Shosei will give in - and in the end, Shosei doesn't mind, really. It's cute when Ruki tries to persuade him like that.

Right now, though, the rubbish is abandoned on the counter and they're huddled together on the couch again - watching Netflix this time. Shosei won _Rock, paper, scissors_ so he gets to choose - and of course he'll always choose a Ghibli movie, because he likes them and because he's a romantic, Ruki says.

("Who's the true romantic here, though? ", Shosei says, wiggling his eyebrows. Ruki looks away, as though to say 'not me ', and Shosei nudges him with a smile.

"You can't deny it, you were the one that put candles on the table for our takeout dinner. " Ruki smiles, a bit embarrassed, but Shosei knows that Ruki knows that he means it only with love. )

As they get to the end of _Howl's moving castle_ , Shosei realizes that he's tired - but it's the good kind of tired; it's been a day nothing but wonderful, and Shosei's happy - he leans onto Ruki's shoulder and he leans back onto his head.

Content with the closeness, Shosei drifts away into a dream.

*

When Shosei eyes flutter open, everything is dark,. His surroundings are blurry, but he feels Ruki's arms holding him, settling him down on a surface - _oh_ , it's the bed, he must've fallen asleep.

He lets out a groan but it seems like Ruki doesn't hear him, he grabs the blanket and dumps it over Shosei, just below his chin. For a moment there's no movement, then Ruki's adjusting the blanket - _he's tucking him in_.

Then Ruki's touch is gone, and when Shosei opens his eyes, he sees his silhouette, dark against the sitting room lights. He's about to turn away, when Shosei reaches out, just barely touching his wrist, and Ruki stops in his tracks.

"Don't go, " Shosei mumbles, and Ruki sighs. He makes this face, that he has on the runway sometimes - when he wants to do something else, go somewhere else, but his responsibility won't let him, so he's contemplating.

"There's still the kitchen to be cleaned- ", he says, with slight hesitation. Shosei smiles at him, not sure if Ruki can see it in the dark, but he still does. Because this is very much like Ruki - he always avoids chores, but in the end, he _cares_ , so he does what he has to, without batting an eye. He likes doing it in secret, as though to not break his character - but he doesn't _need_ to, because this is not the stage - and Shosei sees him anyways.

So he pulls Ruki closer, just by a bit, a mumbles, "Fuck the plates. "

Ruki chuckles ever so lightly, and Shosei looks up at him, sees his eyes change as he gives in. He takes a quick walk around, not forgetting to turn off all the lights and close the door, and soon enough, he's by Shosei's side.

Ruki pulls him close, arms around the younger's stomach, and tucks his chin over Shosei's shoulder. He knows that Shosei likes this - cuddling in close proximity, and Shosei relaxes in his arms.

If he's not in a dream already, Shosei falls into a deeper one.

*

Days pass like this - slowly, but surely, and it's nice - it's a well-deserved break, and they both try their best to make the most out of it.

But life does not hold on for long, and soon they're back to work, both deep in schedules up to their throat. Ruki's in studios if not on runways, or out on dinners with co-workers. Shosei spends most of the time in the studio, too, but while he's behind the cameras, Ruki's in front of them, and that's a significant difference.

At the end of day, it takes a toll on people, to always - be there, expose your all for the public to see, but also hide everything besides your back that might be just a bit controversial - this includes Shosei, to an extent, and he knows that it's not what Ruki _wants_ , but what his agency wants.

But Shosei's more or less a person without a face, anyways, so he only knows what Ruki shows him, when he talks about work and his trips to other countries. Shosei listens, learns about the world that he's in, too, but not quite.

It's truly scary - no matter you careless you claim yourself to be, the internet can make you feel like it's the whole world against you within _seconds_ , and Shosei knows it very well. He only ever - sees it at work, but he catches the looks the models have on their faces once they're off, especially the idol ones: they're just simply exhausted, from - basically _pretending_ to be strong all the time, from standing tall on their tiptoes, head held up high.

And Ruki gets affected by this not less than anyone, and Shosei knows this so, so well, yet, it breaks his heart every time it actually happens. Like tonight - he's sitting on a stool, going through photos on his camera when the door clicks. Ruki's been at a meeting all evening, something about _public reception_ and Shosei knows that he hates those the most.

He's only half surprised when Ruki basically falls onto his back, like a big koala, wrapping his hands around the younger. Shosei doesn't move - in the rare cases of Ruki being affectionate like this, he would wish to do anything but break the moment.

Then, he feels how Ruki starts shaking on his back, Shosei feels tears drop on his neck, and he _knows_.

Ruki doesn't like crying - at all, especially not in front of other people, he's adapted that from work, Shosei guesses. But when he cries, it's silent, without any big words, only small gestures that say more than any sentence ever could, in those moments.

Shosei sets down his camera on a table nearby and finds Ruki's hand - he squeezes it, gently rubbing his thumb over Ruki's palm. It's cold from the night air. Ruki wraps his fingers around Shosei, tightly - and he holds onto him _like a lifeline_ and Shosei knows, it's bad.

Still, he says nothing. That is because 1) it's what Ruki's the most comfortable with - for him, ironically, it's silence. And 2), Shosei wouldn't find the words anyways - he's the type to offer his ear instead of his mouth, a shoulder to cry on, a place to escape. But Ruki's fine with it, so Shosei stays just where he is.

"...bad image, " Ruki mutters at some point, and Shosei stops.

"They told me I have to take more care of my image. " Ruki repeats, and Shosei swallows.

Ruki's image is - it's not too far away from who he actually is, but distinct enough for it to feel foreign - just a bit, that's what Ruki's said. He's marketed as this eloquent person that can always find the perfect words, the ultimate _Prince Charming_ who melts thousands of hearts with his sweet words. Confident, daring

But the actual Ruki? He stumbles over words, prefers silence, and says things that don't make sense sometimes. _He's not perfect._ But he's branded as such, and Ruki's a perfectionist. It gives him - a hard time is not even enough to describe it.

"I don't see their problem. " Shosei says. He hears Ruki humming behind him, followed by a choked sob. Shosei keeps circling his thumb, an almost hypnotic, comforting routine.

"Have you seen the comments under my posts recently? They're full of bad words, slurs and- " Ruki stops. "The agency blames me, they said I have to be more careful. "

"They're full of shit. " Shosei simply says. He can't see Ruki behind him, but it feels like he's nodding. "They don't know anything. "

Ruki puffs his breath. "I know, but- " He sighs, deep and long, and it's a thing he does when he doesn't have a word for what he feels - and Shosei understands.

He adjusts his hand, so that it's fully wrapped around Ruki's and squeezes it tightly. "No matter what, I'll always be there for you? Okay? "

If Ruki replies, Shosei doesn't hear it. It's silent for a long time.

"I love you, Shosei. "

The younger feels the smile spreading across his face, and he feels Ruki smiling behind him, too.

"I love you, too. "

*

Shosei usually doesn't travel. He hasn't seen much of the world - he's been L.A. and parts of Japan and that's it. Ruki, however, travels a lot due to his job, and he's much more used to the chaos of Tokyo's airport than Shosei is.

He's also, despite this being a personal trip, dressed up like he's going on the runway - not too conspicuous, though, in case a fan could spot him.

They make it to the airplane without difficulties, and Shosei sinks into his seat, sighing in relief. Ruki's just next to him, tapping on the screen in front of him. He glances at Shosei, and just smiles, and he's happy.

"You wanna watch something together? " Shosei asks, scooting over as close as possible. "Only if I pick the movie, " he grins, and Shosei makes a thinking gesture, although he ready knows the answer. He says yes.

Shosei pulls out his travel blanket, lays it atop of the two, and snuggles up to Ruki. He presses play on _Titanic_ \- a classic, one that Ruki loves, mainly because of the music and because DiCaprio's in it.

Time passes like Shosei blinks - suddenly it's night, and his eyes feel tired. There's about 5 hours left until they get to Chicago, and he might just sleep through it, if he can fall asleep with the loud engines running, that is.

A glance over to Ruki, and the older's fast asleep already, _somehow_ \- he's sinking down in his seat, cheek pressed against the leather, and Shosei's chest bubbles with warmth.

Soon, he's asleep himself, too.

*

Shosei enters the press area a bit perplexed - Ruki's shooed him out of the backstage for some reason ("You can't kick me out, I'm your personal photographer- " "That's why, you gotta be surprised to get the best shots. " ) So he's waiting her now, while he adjust his camera lens to take pictures of the opening stage.

It's not a big event - it's personal; a friend of Ruki who's a fashion designer invited him to try some of his newest fits. An event just under friends and acquaintances. There's another photographer that clutches his camera a bit nervously, and Shosei gives him a friendly smile.

The stage goes dark, and before Shosei can wonder what'll happen, he hears the loud voice - _of course_ , the opening performance.

Best known as 'Japan's voice ', Kono Junki gets the crowd (if you could call 15 a crowd) excited and clapping along. Shosei tries to clap along, too, as much as holding two big cameras allows him to.

Junki, by all means, is a great performer - it's no wonder that he's so popular. His voice is full of energy, of emotion and joy. "Shine a light! ", he sings, it's his new song Shosei reckons, it's been on top of the charts for weeks now.

Junki belts his last high note and it's impressive, the crowd cheers and Shosei takes a few shots. Junki looks great, he's having so much fun, and it's like his joy spreads onto the viewers, too.

A small man comes up behind Shosei, and he almost flinches - but he's no stranger to the face, the man next to him is the head designer and founder of Kimata Japan, Syoya, the event organizer himself. He gives a friendly smile and introduces himself - says he's heard lots about Shosei's amazing shots that he takes, and Shosei said that he's heard a lot about Syoya, too.

Syoya's actually just a few days older than Shosei, and they bond over that. Syoya says he'd love to work with Shosei one day, and the younger agrees. Then the stage lights back up, and the models are starting to walk up.

Syoya's designs are usually plain with pops of colour, white flowy shorts with little flower embroidery. Shosei takes many shots of the pretty high heels and jackets, and he notices all the tiny details on them - Syoya laughs when he brings it up, and explains that he thinks that all those little things make it a bit more worth the money.

Shosei wonders when Ruki's coming up, and suddenly there's another man next to him - he immediately recognizes the bright smile; it's Junki. "How's it goin'? ", the singer asks, and Shosei tells him that he's been amazing up there, and shows him some of the photos.

"How do you know each other, though? ", Shosei asks out of curiosity.

"Ah, see, my boyfriend's an old school friend of Syoya. They went to the same school. ", Junki explains. "He's a model. Have you heard the name Sato Keigo? "

"Oh ", Shosei lets out, "I remember now, Ruki told me about you two, he's an old friend of Keigo, he met you at the London show last month- "

Junki beams and nods. "Wait, Ruki, so are you and Ruki- " He makes a gesture with his hand, and Shosei nods, a bit shyly.

"Ah, that's great! ", Junki says. "Ruki's a great guy from what I know. "

"He is. ", Shosei smiles. "He is. "

Junki has the weird - talent to just make people feel comfortable around him. Perhaps it's because he's so bright, full of energy and smiles. His eyes shine with the light of the stage even on the sideway, and Shosei thinks that it's amazing.

They're watching the models walk up and down in comfortable silence when Junki suddenly jumps out - literally, and he points at the stage, saying, "Look! Look! "

It must be Keigo up there, Shosei figures - he recognizes his face from some magazine. He's got the ideal model proportions, with long legs and a handsome face. His hair is black and curly, adorned with tiny colourful hair clips. Shosei makes sure to catch that along with the details on his long, beige coat.

"That's him! That's my boyfriend! ", Junki cheers besides him. Shosei throws him a glance, but he feels no eyes on them - that's a _good_ feeling. Probably because it's a small crowd, a circle of Syoya's friends - there's no officials, and Shosei's feels more comfortable, like he hasn't in a long time. It's a tiny space, a big crowded, but no one's looking close or judging - Ruki must like that, too.

When Keigo's almost gone, the next - and last - person steps on the stage, and Shosei almost drops his camera.

Ruki's up there, shining as bright as always - there's actually not many shows with Ruki in them that Shosei's attended. Each time, he's thought that Ruki's really born to be up there - he's so dazzling, confident and just _beautiful_. And here, too, he's all that and more.

Ruki's hair is pushed up; there's tiny blue extensions clipped into it. He's wearing a white blazer that ends just over his waist; under that a dark red blouse that's tucked into his ripped jeans that hangs loose around his knees. And he's wearing heels, too - black adorned with small gold lines.

Shosei tries to capture everything, every little detail he wants to show the world. From the blue streaks to the black belt to the heels to the makeup - Ruki looks stunning, and Shosei can't help but stare in awe when he poses at the front for the cameras.

Shosei whips out the polaroid camera that's been hanging around his waist for too long, aims, sets the lightning and takes a shot. He takes the camera down, and as they watch Ruki walk back, he simply says, "That's _my_ boyfriend. "

He listens to the crowd cheer, all captured by Ruki's charm, and his chest swells with pride.

*

Later that evening, they're invited for dinner. It's only Syoya, Keigo and Junki, a few other people that Shosei doesn't know. It's comfortable - and Shosei sees that Ruki's enjoying himself, too. He's actually rather extroverted, unlike Shosei, who tends to just sit at dinner tables and talk to people only here and there.

At some point, Syoya gets him into a conversation and introduces him to that photographer Shosei met earlier - his name is Sukai, he's just a month younger than Shosei and new at the job (Shosei's introduced as a famous senior and he's just a bit embarrassed).

Sukai's nice, he says that he started out studying business but realized that he wants to be a photographer a year in, so he changed. "That was a good decision. Always follow your heart. ", Shosei says with a smile, and Sukai grins - there's a glint in his eyes, that Shosei recognizes as respect, and his chest is filled with warmth.

In the end he walks out of the place with 2 friends more and a smile on his face. Ruki's content, too, Shosei doesn't have to look at him to know - when Ruki's happy like this, he gets all expressive and his body, his mannerisms, his language and his face all radiate joy.

He talks about a guy Keigo's introduced him to, a young aspiring model named Shion - who seems cold but is very kind at heart, who has a lot of respect for Ruki ("I admire how you're always so composed, " he states, and Ruki laughs it off, because he really isn't, but he'll take it).

Ruki clings to Shosei's side on the taxi back to the hotel. He's wrapped all around the younger's arm, cheek pressed onto his shoulder as he hums some song. It's the aftermath of multiple glasses of sake, and Shosei can't deny that he might _like_ this. Just - comfortable intimacy; cosiness.

Ruki shuffles towards the bed as soon as they get to their room, not even bothering to change out of his suit. He leaves his shoes along with his jacket and Shosei only hears him fall onto the bed.

He himself takes a bit of time, puts his shoes and jacket away properly, then goes to the bathroom to change.

When he comes out, Ruki's not even under the blanket, he sort of just lays on top of it, with his temple pressed onto the bed.

Shosei squats down in front of him, and gently brushes Ruki's makeup down with a cotton pad. The older groans softly, but Shosei just mutters, "It'll be bad for your skin if you leave it on overnight. "

"Yeah, Mr. Beauty expert... ", Ruki mumbles. Shosei giggles. "You're so cute, " he simply says, and nothing follows after.

Shosei joins Ruki soon enough, throwing the big blanket over the both of them, adjusting it properly so that it reaches just up to their necks. Shosei flutters his eyes closed and hears a shift to his side - when he opens them again, he's faced with Ruki, unbelievably close, their noses almost touching.

Shosei reaches out with his hand, cupping Ruki's cheek - as though to feel that he's really _there_. It's one of those many moments where Shosei realizes what it means for him to - _have_ Ruki, to love Ruki and to be loved by him. Moments where his love overflows, where he thinks that Ruki's so great and beautiful and smart and overall just wonderful. A gift from God, a miracle on Earth.

He remembers meeting Ruki for the first time, he remembers photographing him, he remembers falling in love with him, kissing him, dating him, moving in with him, _being_ with him - all those singular moments that led up to this very one, and warmth blooms in Shosei's chest.

"I love you, Ruki. " he says and lets his eyes speak - Ruki's told him that he loves his eyes and the sparkle they have. A big smile spreads across his face, then he leans in, a chaste kiss on the lips.

Shosei sees it in Ruki's eyes, too - they shine bright in the dark, and he's so, so _happy_ that he's got Ruki in his life.

"I love you, too. " Ruki whispers, and Shosei closes his eyes. If this is a dream, he never wants to wake up.

*

In the end, life goes on and they're back to their usual schedule the next day. After all, things don't really change - they both work most of them time, fully booked and busy. Between that, moments of tenderness - late night cuddles and kisses under stars. It's only a momentary escape, but it's _enough_.

One evening, Shosei's rearranging things on his side of the bedroom. He's fumbling with a picture frame, until he feels Ruki's curious eyes on him. The older drops down besides him casually. "What's this? "

Shosei smiles, a bit sheepishly, and hands him the polaroid. "I took it at the event last weekend. Couldn't help but. "

Ruki stares at the picture, as if the person on it - Ruki - was a foreigner to him.

"It's a really good shot. ", he says, then. "Wow. "

"Thank you, " Shosei giggles, taking the polaroid gently out of Ruki's hands and inserting it into the frame. He closes it up and puts it onto his nightstand, to his collection of precious objects.

Ruki just wraps an arm around Shosei's back and pulls him close. "I'm so proud of you. ", he says, and Shosei hums.

"No, but really, " Ruki goes on, "you're an amazing photographer, you deserve all the praise you get and so much more. I genuinely think I wouldn't have become famous if it weren't for that one photoshoot we did back then. It was one of the first ones of me to blow up, and - really, I wouldn't be still doing this without you. Thank you, Shosei. "

Shosei's - at a loss for words actually. He looks up at Ruki, and there's a shine in the older's eyes, soft but clear. Shosei thinks and thinks until he parts his lips to speak.

"Without you I wouldn't be here either. I would've given up photography a long time ago. Thank you, Ruki. "

And he wraps his arms tightly around Ruki, as if to never let him go. Ruki returns the embrace equally as strong, and for just a moment, they stay like this - seemingly out of time and space, just - _together_ , hugging each other tightly.

And Shosei's just - thankful, that he has Ruki, that he _can_ have him, and that he's _stayed_. He feels the warmth, the tenderness, the _happiness_ and if he falls asleep, at least he has Ruki holding him and he's holding Ruki, too.

They'll never let go.

**Author's Note:**

> How many words of fashion industry jo1 can i write in 4 days? 5k apparently stresswriting is a thing  
> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment or find me on [ cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/Shoseilover) or [ twt ](https://twitter.com/shoseilovemail)


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